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Long
Distance Gay Relationships: Making Them Work
Long distance relationships are hard on everyone
involved. I know this from personal experience. I met my significant other
on the Internet ten years ago. We met in one of the primitive Internet chats
of the early to mid 1990's. At the time I had no clue that he'd be the man
I'd plan to spend the rest of my life with.
My beau and I were friends for a year, or so,
before the prospect of dating arose. We had always been flirtatious, but
neither of us had even considered Internet dating. After talking on the phone
for hours on everything - from how work was each day to our favorite classical
musician - we realized we had quite a bit in common. Of course, at that time
I was living in Michigan and he was living in Southern Ohio.
Living in a relatively big city I had never
bothered to get my driver's license and I didn't have a car. It was faster
to walk everywhere, or take the bus if I absolutely had to. My man was currently
finishing up his degree so he couldn't travel much while school was in session.
The distance wasn't that great, but since we did not have the means to travel
to one another it seemed as if we were a hundred miles apart.
Finally, one fateful Thanksgiving eight-years
ago we met for the very first time. It was a magical experience. He was
absolutely adorable as he tried to play it cool. I, on the other hand, was
a wreck as I thought about the fact that I might be stuck in Ohio near someone
I didn't like (if things did not work out). However, as I am sure you have
probably realized, things did work out for the best! We've been together
seven and a half years (permanently) and have one small child who is the
light of our lives.
So, the best advice I have for you is to believe
in your relationship. Do not be afraid to date someone online. It's the same
as meeting someone at a club, or in a coffee house. At first, you know nothing
about them either…. then you get to know them gradually. But, with the
Internet you have the advantage of breaking up with them before you ever
have to meet face to face (if you think it isn't going to work out).
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Please keep in mind that, just like someone you'd
meet in person, there are crazies on the Internet. You are better off playing
safe than being sorry. When Alex and I met the first time I stayed in a hotel.
My family and friends had his contact information, full name, and address
as well as the address of my hotel. I also called a friend as soon as I was
situated in my room to let him know the number of my hotel.
I was lucky. Alexander was the man of my dreams.
He was everything I was looking for in a partner. Some people are not so
lucky. There have been serial killers who prey on people looking for a date
online. There are sexual predators. As wonderful as the Internet has been
for global communication, and cultural diversity, it has also opened up new
venues for the deviants of the world. We have to take the good with the bad
and that is why it's best to be prepared in advance - just in case the
worst does occur.
Long distance relationships take much more patience,
communication, honesty, and understanding than other relationships. You do
not have the ability to actually show your boyfriend what you are thinking,
or feeling. You can only express yourself through your words. The more you
two can express yourself through your words, the more each of you will get
to know the 'real' person inside the both of you. This enables you to find
another whose personality and character compliments what you are looking
for in a mate. It's so easy to find that perfect partner for you - a wonderful,
intelligent individual with common interests, hobbies, and future goals -
via online dating and chat.
If you think he might be the one then be
persistent. Don't expect anything to happen over night. Do not try to
rush into a visit. Your patience will pay off when you finally get to hold
him in your arms for the very first time. It is the most amazing feeling
I have ever felt. I hope everyone feels that some day.
In the gay community there is so much discussion
about men sleeping around, and finding random men on the Internet. I do admit
I have friends who are like that, but not every gay man on the Internet
is just looking to get laid. There are many terrific gay men out there
in cyberspace, who are actively seeking a loving, bonding relationship with
another. Since there are so many gay men online looking for a solid commitment
- you should not give up hope, or get discouraged, by the few who are only
online looking for one thing... And you know what that one thing is!
Surviving the distance will depend on how far
apart you live, and if you can move in together if everything seems to work
out. With Alex, after I returned home both of us were miserable. The distance
started to affect his studies, but luckily my job wasn't holding me to one
specific area, so within five-months from our first official meeting we had
moved in together permanently. Sadly, the vast majority of Internet romances
do not move through the real time phases of relationships so quickly. Stay
patient, though, and be persistent in your quest to show him he is the one.
It can't hurt to try.
I knew the day I met him he was the one. You
can find that, too. You may find it offline in a club, grocery store, or
even bump into him on the street, or you may find him online. If you are
in a Long Term Relationship the chances of success depend on you and him.
It is up to you both to make a commitment - and stick to it - if you truly
think you can handle the distance. You never know, it might just work out
and you do find the relationship of a lifetime through one click in Cyberland.
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Dear Friend,
I have a confession to make. There was a time in my life when the thought
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The funny thing about being a gay virgin is this: even though you're a man,
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